The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize