the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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