Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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