blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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