we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She bit a glass in half.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
