3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
