I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
