I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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