i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
