You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
