He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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