I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
