my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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