I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
