you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
