as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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