You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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