Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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