she woke up with a sticky ear
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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