The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
