Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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