There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
