omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
