I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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