Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
