I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
