I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
