Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
