Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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