We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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