I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
