dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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