How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
