he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
