Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
