hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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