ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
