you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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