Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
