Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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