It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's get the cat blown out
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
