Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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