marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
