who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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