I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
