Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
