Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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