WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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