Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sext me about skeletons
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
