apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
