Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
