Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
