I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
