I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
