Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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