Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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