Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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