i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
