sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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