You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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