The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
