i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.