Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.