so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day