By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
