is your mom at the bar?
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
