There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
