I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
