Where did you get a picture of my penis
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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