Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
