for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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