Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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