eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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