Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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