I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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