i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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