New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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