good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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